Monday, November 16, 2009

Day 1: I'm Pretty Sure Diets Create Homicides

As day 1 of my cabbage diet winds down I am left with only one thought....OH MY WORD I AM ABSOLUTELY OVERWHELMINGLY HUNGRY!

I've eaten several bowls of that soup thing and inhaled more fruit in one day than Elton John during his drug fueled orgy days (go on, stop and think it over....there you go). Granted I'm used to eating whatever I want until I feel overly full and satisfactorily rotund, but talk about a difficult first day.

See, there were meetings all day today which of course meant that there was breakfast provided. And by breakfast I mean delicious muffins, fluffy bagels and some of what appeared to be the best whipped cream cheese on earth. Now, that's not bad enough right? Oh no, let's follow it up with sandwiches that are at least 6 inches tall, potato salad that has the right ratio of shape to smush and cookies that I swear started off life as giant boulders to drop on the Coyote. I barely made it through the first day.

Although I have to say the hunger is almost preferable to the endless trips to the bathroom. I have never peed so much in my life. I swear that I have officially urinated more times than my grandmother on an average day and her visits to my parents' house alone sees her go at least 4 times per hour.

So I sit here chugging water in the hopes that it'll sate my hunger. I'm fairly certain it won't so maybe I'll just sit here on the couch and sniff the bowl of chocolates. Can't wait for day 2, soup and vegetables, yum. I've never yearned for a baked potato this much.


  1. lmfao!!! you should also be super regular after this diet too

  2. LMFAO... I wouldn't want to be "down wind" from you.

  3. Putting the picture of that dog will make me lose my appetite!