AMAZING POSITIVE OUTCOMES ONLY = HELLCATS + CONAN?

For those who don't watch Hellcats on the CW (and shame if you aren't, it's a total guilty pleasure), you may not be familiar with the above catchphrase by Ashley Tisdale's character Savannah. However, if you even remotely follow me on Facebook or Twitter (man, I've become a social media whore haven't I?), you've seen me post this twice this week.

The reason is that this week I've had two great opportunities presented to me. Both offer incredible new challenges and growth, but as is usually the case with these situations, I kinda wanted one more than the other. Unfortunately I didn't get the outcome I was hoping for, which was disappointing, but I'm not letting that get me down.

As I said, I already have a phenomenal opportunity waiting for me in the wings that I think is really going to let me explore certain unchartered territories (for me anyway). As cheesy as I KNOW it sounds, it's a true testament to what has in the last year become one of my absolute favorite quotes from Conan O' Brien's last appearance on the Tonight Show:

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

WHY ISH WILL NEVER HAVE A 6 PACK

Let's face it, I'm not exactly svelte. Even with all the gym time I put in it's not like I'm going to be confused with a beanpole anytime soon. Don't get me wrong I've got decent shoulders and what not, but like most people my stomach is just NOT going away, meaning that I will never have a 6 pack. And I am ok with that for the following reasons:

1. Cheeseburgers are our friends


2. The Fair = Fat Fest = Personal Christmas


3. I'm fairly certain I won't have a career in porn


4. Ditto for stripping


5. Lechon, specifically pellejito..mmmmm


6. Waking up in the morning to excercise is a myth like the existence of leprechauns or models who never had bulimia


7. Hot doughnuts make deliciously edible pillows


8. I have a day job that doesn't involve folding jeans at The Gap


9. Can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I'm certain if I lose my tummy there goes my ass and that is just NOT an option in this lifetime


10. Cheeseburgers. I know I mentioned it at the start, but it's just THAT big a factor.

Do you feel the same way or do you think I CAN have a 6 pack? And none of that cuz you have will power crap, cuz that's what people cry to themselves as they eat a pint of ice cream. Speaking of which, time for a shake! :-)

FACEBOOK: CREATING CONNECTIONS WHILE ANNOYING ME

So I'm most likely behind in posting this since it's not really revolutionary or anything, but here goes. There are just some people whose statuses on Facebook make me feel like severing their arm and beating them with it.

To me a facebook status or post should be either what you're doing or some sort of witty observation. Now perhaps I'm asking for too much, but there are just some people whose facebook statuses make me want to throttle them:

People Who Need Spell/Grammar Check To Survive: I get that we all make spelling mistakes, especially with the onset of smartphones with their tiny keyboards. However, for the love of all that's holy there are some people who just can't be bothered to spell or write a coherent sentence. If you haven't mastered the art of knowing when to make a word plural you shouldn't be allowed to write to the world.

The Uber Blessed: I'm all for wishing blessings on others, but everyday for everything? I knew I had reached my breaking point when I read somebody say they were feeling blessed because their washing machine was being delivered. Unless you're beating your clothes on a rock there's no reason to feel blessed for an appliance.

The Constant Lovebirds: Love is a many splendored thing, but if all you do is post love notes to your other half using cutesy language, you must be publicly flogged until you can't remember their name much less the pet name. If you feel the need to constantly affirm your love in a public forum maybe you need a little too much affirmation in your life.

I'm Reposting Cuz It's True: I'm glad to finally be getting less chain/junk emails, until I realized it's only because they've taken on another form in the "Please Post This If You...." I support various charities, causes and actions. Unfortunately most of the re-post status requests are so full of false and fictional claims that it'd be like re-posting headlines about Batboy.

There you have it, my list of people who annoy me on Facebook. I'm sure there are more of them out there and please do feel free to share them with me and each other. After all until we recognize the problem, we can't beat the cause into submission and eventual extinction.