Monday, September 14, 2009

The 2009 VMAs.....Now With More Ish!

Honestly I wasn't going to blog about the VMAs, it's true. Originally this was going to be about hanging out with 2 very different sets of friends and how much I enjoy their company even though I don't see them as often as I would like. It was going to be a real fun little piece about how you can always just pick up where you left off with certain people.

And then I played the VMA's that I DVR-ed in favor of watching True Blood.

Let's just get this out of the way, Kanye's a douche. It's nothing new people, at this point he should just change his middle name to Masengil. What he did do, however, was actually get me to like Taylor Swift! Seriously, whenever I'd see her jr-Renee Zelweiger lemon face I just got the urge to throw hamsters at her or something. And that "Belong To Me" song? Please, it might as well be called "Anthem For The Ugly, Un-popular Girl At Home Singing Into Her Brush While She Cries Looking At The Mirror." Watching her up there so lost and shocked at the commandeering of the stage by Mr. Summer's Eve though, made me really like her more. And then she proceeded to give one of the best performance of the night. I can even tolerate that song now! Fine, it may have something to do with the fact that I secretly always wanted to do a music video taking place solely on a moving subway car, but still.

It's not to say the rest of the night didn't have its moments. Isn't it funny that Madonna and Pink both provided the most sedate appearances of the night? Although shout out to Pink for her trapeze bit with the Duela Dent inspired outfit (,, but why did I think her boobs were bigger than they appeared? Also, the pairing of Shakira and Taylor Lautner from Twilight as presenters was inspired, even though I didn't get the connection until they were almost done. Think about's actually quite clever for MTv. And who knew that Beyonce would treat us all to an urban version of a Busby Berkley musical? Probably one of the few times her stalker-ish obsession with sequins didn't make me want to go to her house and take away her Bedazzler.

But of course, what would a VMA be without my take on the things I quite frankly could do without. Russel Brand, I'm sure you're a nice enough guy but you're not funny. No really, see I like all things British and get the dry wit thing, but your schtick is just not funny...kinda like Andy Samberg and Jimmy Fallon. Guys, the average MTv viewer barely remembers Lil' Bow Wow and you're referencing MotownPhilly? Way to be on the cusp of the humor, boys.

Then there's Lady Gaga. I get it, you have a great voice but let's be realistic so do many other aspiring singers. So you figured you'd be a little, let's call it avant garde, and guess what? It worked, you got signed. Now can you please stop? Seriously, enough already, everytime I see you I feel like I'm watching the mutated love child of Christina Aguilera and Beaker from the Muppets. We get it, you're out there. However, with each passing day you get closer to being left out there because frankly at this point the only thing left to do is light yourself on fire. And should it come to that, not that I wish you harm but I would watch, could you also do the world a favor and take your ardent fan-bitch Perez Hilton with you? I couldn't think of a single other person more deserving of being lit ablaze than that flamer.

On the subject of queens, I have to say that one of my favorite bands of all time is Queen. One of the my least favorite things of all time is Katy Perry covering Queen and covering Queen as if she was bored out of her mind instead of singing a song that'll be around longer than her career. And she was singing with Joe Perry from Aerosmith! At least she didn't win anything, although did anyone else notice during Beyonce's performance that she was apparently accompanied by a reincarnated Liberace? Who knew that aside from Kissing a Girl she could also raise the dead?

Which reminds me, where was Kurt Loder last night? Has he finally reached the point where his reanimated corpse doesn't photograph? It's just not a VMA without him interviewing Madonna as she tries to get him to show the human emotion he gave up so long ago in exchange for immortality. Ahh the good old days.

Every year I find myself saying "who is that?" more and more as I watch this awards show. I also say each year that I really don't care to watch the VMAs before plopping myself down to inhale the trashiness of it all. Truthfully I'll probably watch them well into senility and by then I'm sure the only face I'll still recognize will be Kurt Loder. Or whatever part of his original face is actually left by that point.

1 comment:

  1. I stopped giving MTV the time of day about four or five years ago, or about the time they actually stopped playing music. Every time I turned it on it was TRL, or my Super Sweet Sixteen (gah!), or Pimp My Ride, or Cribs, or Real World: Pluto. At what point did they decide to become Fox Reality for Teens instead of, you know, a music channel?

    I just took a look at today's schedule for both MTV and MTV2. That's 48 hours of programming, and in there is exactly ONE hour of videos (10pm on MTV2). Everything else is Scrubs or The Hills or Celebrity Death Match, etc. Anything but music.

    I find it sad. I remember as a kid and as a teenager coming home from school and popping it on and seeing mostly videos, with a few shows thrown in (like My So Called Life). At night they'd play some of the more unusual vids. That's how I discovered my favorite band of all time, Stabbing Westward. Think about it: we wouldn't have the band Garbage without MTV playing non-mainstream videos. The one and only time they played Shirley Manson's old band Angelfish's video, Steve Marker happened to be watching and thought, "That's our new singer."

    They had bands that were actually interesting, not just a relentless assault of pop stars. The corporate tentacles and glaring "celebrity product placement" that's there now was not as prevalent.

    MTV used to be cool. I just find it sad now. Pathetic, really.