ISH...NOW ON TOUR!

Ok so it's been a reallllly long time since I've blogged and I can't say that I have much to share, although I'm sure I do and I just don't recall it right now. However, the other day I started to think to myself "what if I was a singer who was about to go on tour?"

Now true, it's not like I have musical talent or am a songwriter, but what if I was to tour based solely on covers? I like to think it would be a fun tour, possibly taking me around the world. So without further adieu I present to you the set list for Ish's 2011 "Cover Me" world tour.

Know Me, Know You

"Let Me Entertain You" (mash-up between Gypsy's version & that of Robbie Williams)

"You Know My Name" (Chris Cornell)

"Geek In The Pink" (Jason Mraz)

"Into The Nightlife" (Cyndi Lauper)

"Heavy Rotation" (Anastasia)

"Don't Tell Me You're Sorry" (S Club 8)

Glove The Love

"Naturally/Who Owns My Heart" mash-up (Selena Gomez/Miley Cyrus)

"Don't Talk Just Kiss" (Right Said Fred)

"Understand" (Melanie C)

"Hello" (Lionel Richie)

"One Less Bell/House Is Not a Home" (Kristin Chenoweth)

"Tonight (I'm ***** You)" (Enrique Iglesias)

Translation Rotation

"You Spin Me Round" (Thalia)

"Private Emotion" (Ricky Martin)

"Better Man" (Robbie Williams)

"Fuego de Noche, Nieve de Dia" (Ricky Martin)

"Y Hubo Alguien" (Marc Anthony)

"Tranquila" (Xavier Garcia)

Revelation Celebration

"Main Event/Spinning Around" mash-up (RuPaul/Kylie Minogue)

"Blame It On The Girls" (Mika)

"Little of Your Time (Bloodshy & Avant remix)" (Maroon 5)

"Any Which Way" (Scissor Sisters)

"Outside" (George Michael)

"Let's Get Loud" (Jennifer Lopez)

There you have it, my set list. Now of course it goes without saying that between each set I'd have a wardrobe change courtesy of D&G. And to say there would be massive dance numbers is without saying given how much I love to dance. Now go on and check out all these songs and tell me they wouldn't make a great 2 & half hour show!

Vegas and the ignorant doorman

I know club doormen and ignorance are kind of a given but man this was a doozy.

This weekend I had the luck to be invited to las Vegas for an upfront weekend on the part of NBC universal. Overall it has been absolutely phenomenal. Unfortunately tonight ihaf an experience that was less than great.

Look, I've been in Florida for 31 years now and frankly I feel qualified to make certain judgements about the area. To that end, I still have my old Florida license which I only have to apply a sticker to the back that prolong the expiration date. Oh sure I've had problem with it before but ultimately it gets accepted.

However, that was nit the case tonight.

My ID was rejected by the overly muscled doorman, which is his right. My problem however was his reply to seeing it.

"I lived in Florida for 7 years and never saw this type of license."

Really? I mean in the full 7 WHOLE years you were there you never saw an old license? Then mine must not be valid. I mean digitally recognized licenses have always been around right? Not like life existed before a time prior to computers taking over the daily life. No that can't possibly be true.

Again, sir you reserve the right to refuse anyone you choose but maybe you should educate yourself past a yet ago. Then again if you WERE educated at all you'd probably know better than to work for an alleged pothead who's dating an alleged coke whore....but maybe that wasn't the case 7 years ago either.

ROLLING ON THE RIVER....

So as some of you may know, I'm up in North Carolina taking a much deserved break at my parent's cabin. As I write this I'm sitting on the bed in the loft area looking at the phenomenally breath taking view of the mountains as the sun sets creating a hazy look to them that can only be described as short of heavenly.

But that's not what this blog is about.

Today we all went whitewater rafting. Dude, it had been like 10 years since the last time I did that and lemme just say it was freaking awesome! Granted the water was so cold that I'm fairly sure I had a vagina there for about 3 hours and my toes were officially purple, but sooo much fun. We took a guided tour, mostly because when you put 5 Cuban kids from Miami in a raft the instinct is more to cross a large body of water than just take a leisurely trip down a river.

Not that it was leisurely. Ok, it wasn't like some mile a second thrill ride, but some of those drops were quite awe inspiring, at least from the perspective of not having done this in a long time. However, we had such a good time doing the Natahala river that we're seriously considering doing the Ocoee river path that's strictly category 3's and 4's....yeah we're nuts, but not certifiable since we'd be looking to use a guide again.

After working up a MASSIVE appetite we drove back to Murphy and decided to venture into the downtown area. For those of you who've never been to a small town, it's as if the 4-color pages of Riverdale sprang to life. We decided to stop into Wings & Things for late lunch/early dinner, frankly because it was either that or start gnawing on each other. The meatloaf was out of hand, but unfortunately they had no dessert and the local ice cream shop had just closed...at 6:30 no less.

Tomorrow we're looking to head into HOTLANTA! Most of us have never been so we'll probably settle on doing some touristy things....but I know while we're looking at Coke and Olympics we'll all be thinking the same thing.....exactly when can we squeeze in another trip down, and over, some river?

HAS IT REALLY BEEN SO LONG?

Wow, I can't believe it's been sooo long since my last post! Where does the time go?

To my job mostly, at least as of late. For the 3 of you regular readers, you know that my career role model, for good or bad, is Amanda from Melrose Place. And I'd like to think shed be happy with me of late.

With the recent news about most of my team being pregnant I've been stepping up my game a bit. True it's been kinda nuts doing so but I feel like I'm in a position to really make some career headway. A fact made more concrete to me by my recent foray into not only leading but presenting for a client pitch. Frankly it's like finally being invited to the adults table and I am in no rush to go back to the kiddie one, thankyouverymuch.

So we'll see what happens, after all you can never be too cocky.....outside of porn of course. But just between you and me, I think things are gonna work out fine. And if not, I'm sure it will only serve to give ms more topics to kvetch about.

School Courses, Now Taught by French Canadians!

As I mentioned in my previous blog, my time at the gym affords me the opportunity to watch TV that I normally wouldn't. Chief among them is the oddly large number of PSA's that are currently airing on cable. My newest PSA appreciation comes from KnowHow2Go.org, an organization encouraging kids to go to college. Let's watch, shall we?



Great commercial right? High quality prodution, images, not really cheesy in the way that most of these sorts of spots tend to rely on. However, I see a rather large problem with the overall message. Upon watching this commercial it really didn't make me want to go on to a higher learning insitution. In truth it gave me the biggest urge to buy some spandex and audition for Cirque de Soleil.

The goal is surely to make it seem like these oh so brave kids are overcoming these big bad classes to move forward in life. But these classes are about as intimidating as a bowl of Fiber One cereal. Ok not fair, fiber anything tends to be a bit intimidating, especially if you're not near a restroom, but I digress. Hell, if I walked into a school and found that my classes were being run by Lady Gaga's weird S&M contortionist wet dream I'm pretty sure I'd remember how to prove a theorem instead of just remembering that a theorem needs to be proven.

Or I'd just be into some degree of leather.....wait a minute......

Either way, I have to say I've become quite amused with what appears to the endless stream of PSA's I'm currently watching. Here's hoping the next one is about mimes representing the dangers of venereal diseases.

WHEN COUGARS ATTACK!

As some of you may know, I've become quite the gym rat lately. As a result I sadly now watch WAY more E! than any human being ever should Most of that winds up being E! News and the Daily 10. However, I've noticed that during these programs instead of airing commercials for brand name labels and collagen parties, for some reason they tend to air loads and loads of Public Service Announcements or PSA's.

Surprisingly, the biggest PSA advertiser during this time is Values.com. Now, maybe they feel it's just plain karmic to remind people of the need to be kind to one another in-between shots of Lindasy Lohan's crotch and Kate Gosselin's crocodile tears. Of all the PSA's however, my favorite has got to be this one:




Look, I'm just as big on helping old people as anyone who's not my friend Daisy, but this old broad is NOT looking for help. Oh, I know the spot is supposed to be about reaching out to one another and all that crap. The reality is that what we have here is some horny old blue-hair who sees an opening to pounce on some emo-prey. I can just see her thoughts now:

"Hmm, been awhile since I've had anyone to do the Charleston with. Hmm, well he looks like a ripe young piece of Clark Gable. I'll just play the part of the feeble old lady and when he's not paying attention I'll goose him! Damn you depression for making me still think that's 3rd base!"

That's right, she thinks she like the Demi Moore of the vaudeville set. I guarantee she asked this poor Hot Topic shopper to go home with her to play her vitrolla. Don't let the wrinkles fool you, old people are sexual predators! I guarantee Stone Phillips is working on a Dateline all about it as I write this.

So the moral of the story? Sure you can help old people cross the street as long as they keep both hands on the Hoveround.

Horror At The Gym

Generally speaking I have a generally high tolerance for many things. To say that something offends me is even more out of the norm. However, this week I've had to endure something that is just plain offensive to the senses.

Man bulge in lycra at the gym.

For the past few weeks I've been taking a kickboxing class at my local gym and the teacher was some vaguely Eastern Eurpoean sounding woman who I think was actually Brasilian cuz she had us samba once as a cool down. Anyway, the class was actually really good and much more enjoyable than the treadmill or elliptical. This week, however, the instructor was replaced by a man who apparently feels that the gym is just the right place to have some well placed moose knuckle showing.

Again, not really big on finding things offensive but it's mildly disturbing to have this poly-blend material covered sphere kinda bouncing up and down all the class long. Particularly when it comes toward you. I just want to throw holy water on it. Worse is the fact that the instructor is like Charlotte's gay friend on Sex & The City, if her gay friend was Hispanic instead of Italian. Man is the guy loud, I'm fairly certain that when the girl fainted in class the other day it was more about his voice causing an inner ear imbalance than dehydration.

The truly worst part about the whole thing? I really like the class, he drives the class hard and keeps the routine varied so I am definitely sweating and feeling like I get a good workout, and that's before I do weights!

So there you have it, I'll keep going to this class as long as they offer it. Just, maybe we can start a petition to at least get him to wear longer shirts. After all, just because you punch in a kickboxing class doesn't mean you need to bring your own speedbag.