The Ish or Taking Up Web Space With My Thoughts

AMAZING POSITIVE OUTCOMES ONLY = HELLCATS + CONAN?

2011-04-30T09:14:00.001-07:00

For those who don't watch Hellcats on the CW (and shame if you aren't, it's a total guilty pleasure), you may not be familiar with the above catchphrase by Ashley Tisdale's character Savannah. However, if you even remotely follow me on Facebook or Twitter (man, I've become a social media whore haven't I?), you've seen me post this twice this week.

The reason is that this week I've had two great opportunities presented to me. Both offer incredible new challenges and growth, but as is usually the case with these situations, I kinda wanted one more than the other. Unfortunately I didn't get the outcome I was hoping for, which was disappointing, but I'm not letting that get me down.

As I said, I already have a phenomenal opportunity waiting for me in the wings that I think is really going to let me explore certain unchartered territories (for me anyway). As cheesy as I KNOW it sounds, it's a true testament to what has in the last year become one of my absolute favorite quotes from Conan O' Brien's last appearance on the Tonight Show:

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

WHY ISH WILL NEVER HAVE A 6 PACK

2011-04-04T19:38:00.001-07:00

Let's face it, I'm not exactly svelte. Even with all the gym time I put in it's not like I'm going to be confused with a beanpole anytime soon. Don't get me wrong I've got decent shoulders and what not, but like most people my stomach is just NOT going away, meaning that I will never have a 6 pack. And I am ok with that for the following reasons:

Cheeseburgers are our friends

The Fair = Fat Fest = Personal Christmas

I'm fairly certain I won't have a career in porn

Ditto for stripping

Lechon, specifically pellejito..mmmmm

Waking up in the morning to excercise is a myth like the existence of leprechauns or models who never had bulimia

Hot doughnuts make deliciously edible pillows

I have a day job that doesn't involve folding jeans at The Gap

Can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I'm certain if I lose my tummy there goes my ass and that is just NOT an option in this lifetime

Cheeseburgers. I know I mentioned it at the start, but it's just THAT big a factor.

Do you feel the same way or do you think I CAN have a 6 pack? And none of that cuz you have will power crap, cuz that's what people cry to themselves as they eat a pint of ice cream. Speaking of which, time for a shake! :-)

FACEBOOK: CREATING CONNECTIONS WHILE ANNOYING ME

2011-04-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

So I'm most likely behind in posting this since it's not really revolutionary or anything, but here goes. There are just some people whose statuses on Facebook make me feel like severing their arm and beating them with it.

To me a facebook status or post should be either what you're doing or some sort of witty observation. Now perhaps I'm asking for too much, but there are just some people whose facebook statuses make me want to throttle them:

People Who Need Spell/Grammar Check To Survive: I get that we all make spelling mistakes, especially with the onset of smartphones with their tiny keyboards. However, for the love of all that's holy there are some people who just can't be bothered to spell or write a coherent sentence. If you haven't mastered the art of knowing when to make a word plural you shouldn't be allowed to write to the world.

The Uber Blessed: I'm all for wishing blessings on others, but everyday for everything? I knew I had reached my breaking point when I read somebody say they were feeling blessed because their washing machine was being delivered. Unless you're beating your clothes on a rock there's no reason to feel blessed for an appliance.

The Constant Lovebirds: Love is a many splendored thing, but if all you do is post love notes to your other half using cutesy language, you must be publicly flogged until you can't remember their name much less the pet name. If you feel the need to constantly affirm your love in a public forum maybe you need a little too much affirmation in your life.

I'm Reposting Cuz It's True: I'm glad to finally be getting less chain/junk emails, until I realized it's only because they've taken on another form in the "Please Post This If You...." I support various charities, causes and actions. Unfortunately most of the re-post status requests are so full of false and fictional claims that it'd be like re-posting headlines about Batboy.

There you have it, my list of people who annoy me on Facebook. I'm sure there are more of them out there and please do feel free to share them with me and each other. After all until we recognize the problem, we can't beat the cause into submission and eventual extinction.

ISH...NOW ON TOUR!

2011-03-12T15:17:00.000-08:00

Ok so it's been a reallllly long time since I've blogged and I can't say that I have much to share, although I'm sure I do and I just don't recall it right now. However, the other day I started to think to myself "what if I was a singer who was about to go on tour?"

Now true, it's not like I have musical talent or am a songwriter, but what if I was to tour based solely on covers? I like to think it would be a fun tour, possibly taking me around the world. So without further adieu I present to you the set list for Ish's 2011 "Cover Me" world tour.

Know Me, Know You

"Let Me Entertain You" (mash-up between Gypsy's version & that of Robbie Williams)

"You Know My Name" (Chris Cornell)

"Geek In The Pink" (Jason Mraz)

"Into The Nightlife" (Cyndi Lauper)

"Heavy Rotation" (Anastasia)

"Don't Tell Me You're Sorry" (S Club 8)

Glove The Love

"Naturally/Who Owns My Heart" mash-up (Selena Gomez/Miley Cyrus)

"Don't Talk Just Kiss" (Right Said Fred)

"Understand" (Melanie C)

"Hello" (Lionel Richie)

"One Less Bell/House Is Not a Home" (Kristin Chenoweth)

"Tonight (I'm ***** You)" (Enrique Iglesias)

Translation Rotation

"You Spin Me Round" (Thalia)

"Private Emotion" (Ricky Martin)

"Better Man" (Robbie Williams)

"Fuego de Noche, Nieve de Dia" (Ricky Martin)

"Y Hubo Alguien" (Marc Anthony)

"Tranquila" (Xavier Garcia)

Revelation Celebration

"Main Event/Spinning Around" mash-up (RuPaul/Kylie Minogue)

"Blame It On The Girls" (Mika)

"Little of Your Time (Bloodshy & Avant remix)" (Maroon 5)

"Any Which Way" (Scissor Sisters)

"Outside" (George Michael)

"Let's Get Loud" (Jennifer Lopez)

There you have it, my set list. Now of course it goes without saying that between each set I'd have a wardrobe change courtesy of D&G. And to say there would be massive dance numbers is without saying given how much I love to dance. Now go on and check out all these songs and tell me they wouldn't make a great 2 & half hour show!

Vegas and the ignorant doorman

2010-08-29T00:10:00.001-07:00

I know club doormen and ignorance are kind of a given but man this was a doozy.

This weekend I had the luck to be invited to las Vegas for an upfront weekend on the part of NBC universal. Overall it has been absolutely phenomenal. Unfortunately tonight ihaf an experience that was less than great.

Look, I've been in Florida for 31 years now and frankly I feel qualified to make certain judgements about the area. To that end, I still have my old Florida license which I only have to apply a sticker to the back that prolong the expiration date. Oh sure I've had problem with it before but ultimately it gets accepted.

However, that was nit the case tonight.

My ID was rejected by the overly muscled doorman, which is his right. My problem however was his reply to seeing it.

"I lived in Florida for 7 years and never saw this type of license."

Really? I mean in the full 7 WHOLE years you were there you never saw an old license? Then mine must not be valid. I mean digitally recognized licenses have always been around right? Not like life existed before a time prior to computers taking over the daily life. No that can't possibly be true.

Again, sir you reserve the right to refuse anyone you choose but maybe you should educate yourself past a yet ago. Then again if you WERE educated at all you'd probably know better than to work for an alleged pothead who's dating an alleged coke whore....but maybe that wasn't the case 7 years ago either.

ROLLING ON THE RIVER....

2010-08-16T17:04:00.001-07:00

So as some of you may know, I'm up in North Carolina taking a much deserved break at my parent's cabin. As I write this I'm sitting on the bed in the loft area looking at the phenomenally breath taking view of the mountains as the sun sets creating a hazy look to them that can only be described as short of heavenly.

But that's not what this blog is about.

Today we all went whitewater rafting. Dude, it had been like 10 years since the last time I did that and lemme just say it was freaking awesome! Granted the water was so cold that I'm fairly sure I had a vagina there for about 3 hours and my toes were officially purple, but sooo much fun. We took a guided tour, mostly because when you put 5 Cuban kids from Miami in a raft the instinct is more to cross a large body of water than just take a leisurely trip down a river.

Not that it was leisurely. Ok, it wasn't like some mile a second thrill ride, but some of those drops were quite awe inspiring, at least from the perspective of not having done this in a long time. However, we had such a good time doing the Natahala river that we're seriously considering doing the Ocoee river path that's strictly category 3's and 4's....yeah we're nuts, but not certifiable since we'd be looking to use a guide again.

After working up a MASSIVE appetite we drove back to Murphy and decided to venture into the downtown area. For those of you who've never been to a small town, it's as if the 4-color pages of Riverdale sprang to life. We decided to stop into Wings & Things for late lunch/early dinner, frankly because it was either that or start gnawing on each other. The meatloaf was out of hand, but unfortunately they had no dessert and the local ice cream shop had just closed...at 6:30 no less.

Tomorrow we're looking to head into HOTLANTA! Most of us have never been so we'll probably settle on doing some touristy things....but I know while we're looking at Coke and Olympics we'll all be thinking the same thing.....exactly when can we squeeze in another trip down, and over, some river?

HAS IT REALLY BEEN SO LONG?

2010-08-14T10:39:00.001-07:00

Wow, I can't believe it's been sooo long since my last post! Where does the time go?

To my job mostly, at least as of late. For the 3 of you regular readers, you know that my career role model, for good or bad, is Amanda from Melrose Place. And I'd like to think shed be happy with me of late.

With the recent news about most of my team being pregnant I've been stepping up my game a bit. True it's been kinda nuts doing so but I feel like I'm in a position to really make some career headway. A fact made more concrete to me by my recent foray into not only leading but presenting for a client pitch. Frankly it's like finally being invited to the adults table and I am in no rush to go back to the kiddie one, thankyouverymuch.

So we'll see what happens, after all you can never be too cocky.....outside of porn of course. But just between you and me, I think things are gonna work out fine. And if not, I'm sure it will only serve to give ms more topics to kvetch about.

School Courses, Now Taught by French Canadians!

2010-04-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my previous blog, my time at the gym affords me the opportunity to watch TV that I normally wouldn't. Chief among them is the oddly large number of PSA's that are currently airing on cable. My newest PSA appreciation comes from KnowHow2Go.org, an organization encouraging kids to go to college. Let's watch, shall we?

Great commercial right? High quality prodution, images, not really cheesy in the way that most of these sorts of spots tend to rely on. However, I see a rather large problem with the overall message. Upon watching this commercial it really didn't make me want to go on to a higher learning insitution. In truth it gave me the biggest urge to buy some spandex and audition for Cirque de Soleil.

The goal is surely to make it seem like these oh so brave kids are overcoming these big bad classes to move forward in life. But these classes are about as intimidating as a bowl of Fiber One cereal. Ok not fair, fiber anything tends to be a bit intimidating, especially if you're not near a restroom, but I digress. Hell, if I walked into a school and found that my classes were being run by Lady Gaga's weird S&M contortionist wet dream I'm pretty sure I'd remember how to prove a theorem instead of just remembering that a theorem needs to be proven.

Or I'd just be into some degree of leather.....wait a minute......

Either way, I have to say I've become quite amused with what appears to the endless stream of PSA's I'm currently watching. Here's hoping the next one is about mimes representing the dangers of venereal diseases.

WHEN COUGARS ATTACK!

2010-04-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I've become quite the gym rat lately. As a result I sadly now watch WAY more E! than any human being ever should Most of that winds up being E! News and the Daily 10. However, I've noticed that during these programs instead of airing commercials for brand name labels and collagen parties, for some reason they tend to air loads and loads of Public Service Announcements or PSA's.

Surprisingly, the biggest PSA advertiser during this time is Values.com. Now, maybe they feel it's just plain karmic to remind people of the need to be kind to one another in-between shots of Lindasy Lohan's crotch and Kate Gosselin's crocodile tears. Of all the PSA's however, my favorite has got to be this one:

Look, I'm just as big on helping old people as anyone who's not my friend Daisy, but this old broad is NOT looking for help. Oh, I know the spot is supposed to be about reaching out to one another and all that crap. The reality is that what we have here is some horny old blue-hair who sees an opening to pounce on some emo-prey. I can just see her thoughts now:

"Hmm, been awhile since I've had anyone to do the Charleston with. Hmm, well he looks like a ripe young piece of Clark Gable. I'll just play the part of the feeble old lady and when he's not paying attention I'll goose him! Damn you depression for making me still think that's 3rd base!"

That's right, she thinks she like the Demi Moore of the vaudeville set. I guarantee she asked this poor Hot Topic shopper to go home with her to play her vitrolla. Don't let the wrinkles fool you, old people are sexual predators! I guarantee Stone Phillips is working on a Dateline all about it as I write this.

So the moral of the story? Sure you can help old people cross the street as long as they keep both hands on the Hoveround.

Horror At The Gym

2010-03-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

Generally speaking I have a generally high tolerance for many things. To say that something offends me is even more out of the norm. However, this week I've had to endure something that is just plain offensive to the senses.

Man bulge in lycra at the gym.

For the past few weeks I've been taking a kickboxing class at my local gym and the teacher was some vaguely Eastern Eurpoean sounding woman who I think was actually Brasilian cuz she had us samba once as a cool down. Anyway, the class was actually really good and much more enjoyable than the treadmill or elliptical. This week, however, the instructor was replaced by a man who apparently feels that the gym is just the right place to have some well placed moose knuckle showing.

Again, not really big on finding things offensive but it's mildly disturbing to have this poly-blend material covered sphere kinda bouncing up and down all the class long. Particularly when it comes toward you. I just want to throw holy water on it. Worse is the fact that the instructor is like Charlotte's gay friend on Sex & The City, if her gay friend was Hispanic instead of Italian. Man is the guy loud, I'm fairly certain that when the girl fainted in class the other day it was more about his voice causing an inner ear imbalance than dehydration.

The truly worst part about the whole thing? I really like the class, he drives the class hard and keeps the routine varied so I am definitely sweating and feeling like I get a good workout, and that's before I do weights!

So there you have it, I'll keep going to this class as long as they offer it. Just, maybe we can start a petition to at least get him to wear longer shirts. After all, just because you punch in a kickboxing class doesn't mean you need to bring your own speedbag.

Further Proof That I'm Not THAT Smart

2010-03-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

So each Monday I make it a point to start any of my conversations, be it on the phone, through e-mail or on IM with some form of the phrase "So how was your weekend?" I mean it's always nice on a Monday to reminisce about the fun part of the week right? Not to mention it's conversational and a nice lead in to asking for something on a Monday than just being to the point.

With that said, I proceeded to ask this question to a rep who I needed some info from at one of our sister offices on Monday. Normally, not a problem right?

Oh did I forget to mention it was our office in Chile?

Yeah that's right, I asked someone who just experienced an 8.8 Richter level movement of the earth about her weekend.

Just think about that the next time you think you're making a goof. Sigh, thank goodness I'm pretty huh?

Karma Always Comes Back...So Give Out Good One

2010-02-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

One of the most commonly held beliefs is what goes around comes around. Sadly, most people hear this & focus on the fact that if you give bad, you get bad back. Or that anyone being a bad person gets their comeuppance. However, what most people leave out is that if you put good out into the world, eventually it does come back.

Recently the top level of the parking garage at my job's office building has been having work done at night. To wit they've been posting signs about cars being towed if not moved before 6:30pm. Given that an average day at work for me means getting out fairly after 6:30pm, I admit these past 2 nights I've been lucky as I would get out and my car was still there.

Tonight was different.

Opening the stairwell door I notice the entire left side of the parking area devoid of cars. Most notable is the fact that my car is now missing. A quick ask of the work crew directs me to ask the driver of the tow truck who's just down one level. Making my way down, the truck was coming back to the 3rd level. I then asked the driver about my car and he very nicely informed me that it was now parked on level 2.

Shaking my head in disbelief as if to get the clearly wrong information out of my ears, I asked again only to get the same answer. I thanked him & made my way down to the 2nd level whereby I passed a very nice lady conversing with a gentleman. She then informed me that she noticed the guy loading the car onto the truck & proceeded to convince him about how horrible it would be to do something like this to a person working late on a Friday night.

All my life I try to do good by others, be nice to people & never wish ill on anyone (well not really anyway), just because I think it's important to always give out good energy to the universe. Well, today I like to think that energy came back to me in form of a complete stranger. More than anything it's just refreshing that in a world where we only tend to hear about horrible depravity and assorted bad news, there are still good people willing to do good things for others.

Moral of the story, the universe is a crazy thing so why not give out some positive energy? If nothing else maybe it'll feed a parallel universe somewhere.

Hi There 2010, Barely Saw You Come In There

2010-01-01T14:10:00.000-08:00

I realize that I haven't quite finished my "best of 2009" series of posts but I didn't feel like thinking about that and yet I really wanted to start the year with a new post. Nothing ritualistic, just kind felt that I should start the year with my ramblings or at the very least my goals for the following year...to an extent.

To start with, this week saw me returning to the gym. Having weighed myself on Monday I was surprised to only be at 215 lbs, which at my 5'10" is really not that bad. Granted, my protruding tummy would say otherwise. Funny how as we age our hairline recedes as our waistline expands, huh? Having gone to the gym twice this week with two other days spent moving furniture thanks to my sister's move, I've done a total of 4 days workout so far with Saturday and Sunday looking to have their share of my sweat as well. This year I will be looking like my cute self again darn it.

With that said, one of the biggest blocks to my going to the gym last year was my job. Putting in over 40 hours a week on the job is sometimes necessary, but I will find a better way to balance that and my health this year. Let's face it, working all hours of the day isn't good for you if your body is in no shape to take more than 5 hours of it a day, right? So this year, while I will be focusing on my career as I have in the past, it will be in a more balanced form. Hopefully this will make me feel more rested than I have been feeling in the last 2 months or so.

As for rest, one of the goals for this year is to begin that arduous task of saving toward a house. Don't get me wrong, I love the current House of El but I'm a house person and truthfully we just have too much stuff and potential for stuff to stay in a one bedroom apartment. Combine that with the fact that associations can drive anyone mad and my sister just bought a 3 bed / 2 bath for less than what we even paid for our first property a good 5 years ago and well I'm sure you can see the tempation to expand the dwelling.

There you have it, in 3 paragraphs I've set up what I most look forward to achieving in the coming year. Now that I've put it on the digital equivalent of paper, it almost makes it all the more real. Ever the optimist though, I look forward to using my blog to inform you that I've been able to move forward on each of those points. After all, I've got 364 days to do it.

The Strangers I Let Into My Living Room Each Week

2009-12-31T11:57:00.000-08:00

Everyone talks about the best in movies or music, but to me the one that usually holds the biggest weight is the best of TV. Face it, week after week we let these broadcasts into our homes, we're usually wearing some form of loungewear as we eat excessive amounts of fatty goodness on our couches.

2009 was a VERY good year for the supernatural, particularly vampires. That's why both True Blood and Vampire Diaries make it onto my list this year. Dirty, vulgar, sex-filled, is it any wonder True Blood became a break-out hit this year? Taking full advantage of being on HBO there was nothing this show didn't just toss on the screen and have you want more. Vampire Diaries can't get away with nearly as much being on the CW, but they still managed to show some pretty broadcast TV-level gory death scenes. Plus if you can't have Ana Paquin's boobs (which are contractually obligated to show up in every ep of True Blood), Nina Dobev is a great substitute with her blend of Alyssa Milano and Eliza Dushku. Throw some fangs in the mix, can't beat that.

Speaking of the former Faith the Vampire Slayer actress, ratings be damned I like Dollhouse. True I'm a Whedon fan to the bone, but this show really found its way during this season. Sadly it wasn't enough to bring in new viewers or save itself from cancellation. I still look forward to the Season 1 & 2 gift pack so I can put it on the shelf next to Buffy and Angel.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention RuPaul's Drag Race. Having seen the whole season via On Demand, this show was just what you'd imagine. Dressing up masculine women, becoming a girl group, using fruit in your get-up, this "reality" competition never took itself seriously at all and yet there was a certain sincerity to the whole event. Top that off with every episodes sudden death ending where Ru tells the contestants to "lip-synch for [their] life." Just as contrived as any other reality show, except everyone on here is in on the joke.

Sure it's not a new show, but if anyone can find a funnier show on network TV than 30 Rock I'm willing to bet you're not watching this show. Tina Fey is not only hilariously funny in her almost throw away delivery of her lines, but she's surrounded herself with a cast that is so consistently funny you can't help but wonder if they're not just being themselves. Having never really understood the allure of Tracy Morgan I can now say I too strive to achieve my own EGOT.

What would any year be of late without some sort of remake of a former TV show or movie? 2009 was no exception as we were allowed to revisit that perpetually active condo complex, Melrose Place. As a HUGE fan of the original my expectations were kinda high and truth be told the new version has been a fun ride that only looks to get even more fun. Some characters are already being written out, good-bye Ashlee Simpson, while others are being given more and more scenery to chew, Katie Cassidy you're fantastic. Oh sure, nothing can match the insanity that was Melrose 1.0 but I'm looking forward to seeing what Amanda can get these kids to do now that she's moved back into her old hunting ground.

To leave Glee off my list would be like going to an orphanage and telling the kids that not only did their parents not love them, but Santa and the Easter Bunny are fake. Regardless of how bad a day I've had, I can come home, pop on Glee and feel infinitely better. Jane Lynch's character of Sue is one of the best villain characters on TV today and she does it without going too far into one-dimensional territory. Lea Michelle, your voice is just all sorts of enjoyable, granted I love Idina Menzel so that was a given I suppose. Matthew Morrison, your vests and nerdy coolness are just the best thing ever, it's how I think I'd be if I was to go into teaching. Minus the slightly poofy white man afro. Fox, damn you for holding off the return of this little gem until April, guess I'll just keep watching the fall finale over and over while listenting to Vol 1 & 2 of the soundtracks. Don't judge me.

Thanks 2009 for bringing me such fun entertaining hourly and half hourly moments into my home. Now if 2010 can figure out how to get Comcast to actually let me watch things ON Demand, we'd be all set.

2009..Oh The Things I've Seen

2009-12-29T21:01:00.000-08:00

With 2009 almost over, I begin my blogging about a topic I should have started at least 3 days ago...my Top media stuff from 2009. Seeing as how almost everyone starts with movies and I'm really tired from helping my sister paint her new place I'll just go that route as well.

Meryl Streep can do no wrong and this movie just goes to prove that. She is the absolute picture of Julia Child, who in and of herself was just plain great to watch in her prime. Amy Adams was just plain adorable but let's face it we all know the true star of this movie. FOOD. If you are a food lover, as I think you can gauge I am, this is the greatest porn ever! This movie on an empty stomach is just the epitome of torture. Oh and I'd be the worst person ever if I didn't mention the fantastic and finally appreciate Jane Lynch showing up as Julia's sister. If anyone can steal a scene from luscious meals it's her.

How do you jumpstart a franchise that not only keeps old fans happy but can bring on new ones? The simple answer to that is to hire JJ Abrams. Now and forever I am a Trekkie, not to the extent of being able to tell you character birthdays, but I've been into all incarnations with the exception of Enterprise which not even Scott Bakula was into. With that said, this movie kept all the great parts of the Trek mythos and then decided to set out on its own path. Can't wait to see where this cast boldly goes from here.

Just looking at the above movie poster is making my eyes water all over again as if I was watching the movie in the theatre. I'm not easily frightened but to say this movie scared the crap out of me is like saying the sun is probably a little warm. It's been about 3-4 months since I saw it and I still can't think about it too much or I won't be able to get to sleep. The entire movie creeped me out, but the last 3 minutes are the things of my personal nightmares. Let's just say that with the imminent release of this movie on DVD I've made it clear this thing is to come nowhere near my home. Stupid scrapbooking demon....

My all time favorite movie of the year has to be (500) Days of Summer. Consisting of essentially 2 people falling in love, this movie has it all. A musical number, great dialogue, fantastic acting from Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt (both under appreciated), and throw away reference to the 80's sitcom Small Wonder. I have recommended this movie to just about everyone I know and I will continue to do so until everyone I know watches it. Be warned, it's not for everyone but if you don't like it analyze why you don't and you'll see that the movie just makes all the more sense for it.

There you have it, not quite a Top 5 and nowhere near a Top 10. Still, these are the movies that stick out in my head as having a staying power with me from 2009. Not to say that I'll remember I saw them in 2009 (without the help of my blog that is), but these are movies I'll appreciate for quite some time. Wonder if 2010 will bring us anything near as varied and fun.

Has It Really Been a Decade Already?

2009-12-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

Sitting here before my laptop I can't help to wonder if I'm really seeing the end of the first decade of the millenium. Was this how people felt when 1910 was ready to roll around? Minus the laptop blogging of course.

And what a year it was! In the coming days I'll be blogging about all that best, at least my version of it, that 2009 brought us. If nothing else I'd have to say 2009 was the new year of the supernatural. Vampires were everywhere, unfortunately that includes more of that emo-nnoying Twilight series, and spirits haunted us in theatres and TV.

Maybe that's why we said goodbye to what seemed like so many famous faces this year. Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy, Roy Disney, Ted Kennedy and Bea Arthur made their final appearances, just to name a few. However, I'd also say that 2009 was also the year of the welcome comeback. Thanks for coming back to us in top form Britney & Robbie, you've no idea how happy I am to see you both back in top form.

Even with all the ups and downs of the year, I think in the end any year where we can look back and have memories is a good year. Here's hoping you come back to join me for the recall of it all.

Bye Bye Brittany

2009-12-20T14:07:00.001-08:00

Wow, who would have thought that a year ago when I was living in constant fear of waking up to the news of a Brtiney passing away it would be Murphy and not Spears.

To say I'm saddened by this news is putting it mildly. Anyone who knows me knows that I really liked this perky little actress. From her adorable face to the way she could just throw herself into any comedic scene with the abandon remniscent of Lucille Ball, this was a girl who just always caught and kept my attention on screen. It's not every cute girl who can make you believe that she is just that big a clown.

Having enjoyed her from her days on "Almost Home" to "Sister, Sister" and even "Boy Meets World" I was really happy to see her gain wide-spread attention. Even if it did come in a rather lengthy spurt after her turn as the lovable Tai in "Clueless." Just watch her in things like "Little Black Book" and "Uptown Girls," not the greatest movies at all but she brought such an energy and warmth to the characters that you just kinda smiled and went along for the ride. Not an easy feat considering either one could very easily fall into unlikeable territory based on their actions.

Then there's her singing voice. One of my all-time favorite songs is Queen's "Somebody to Love" to the point that I have several versions of said song. Among them is Brittany's cover from "Happy Feet," and it still remains one of my Top 3 favorite versions of the song. And just try to put on "Faster Kill Faster Pussycat" without moving your body to some degree of rythym. It's damn near impossible.

Was Brittany Murphy ever going to win any awards? Most likely not, but she was definitely in my underappreciated actor list where I put actors who always make me smile because they always bring their A game even if they never reach mainstream uber-fame. Sadly, we'll never get to see if she would make it off that list. Rest in peace Brittany, to paraphrase Clueless, I hope you're rollin' with the homies in heaven.

Black Friday Aftermath

2009-11-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Sitting here on a Saturday night after Black Friday all I can say is I think I may be almost rested up enough from not only about 2 weeks straight of working, but the madness that is the after Thanksgiving shopping experience.

Toys R Us at midnight was quite the experience and one that I'm more than certain I'll be repeating for easily the next 10-12 years. However, here's hoping that my experiences for the next decade aren't filled with stores opening an hour late as a result of a brawl taking place outside the front door. Word of advice to anyone looking to get to any store with only about 10 minutes to opening...DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CUT IN LINE OF THE GUYS AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE. You'd think this was commone sense, but well sometimes it ain't so common huh? Oh yeah and also don't punch a kid in the mouth once you've cleared the line and are about ready to pay. Granted, it's just wrong for adults to punch kids, but even more wrong to do so and hold up the line of other people who are so close to the checkout line they can almost hear the ding of the registers.

Today was a bit calmer I must say, and I even went back to Toys R Us. No, I'm not a masochist I had to exchange something and pick up a few more things in the process. Even Target and Babies R Us were pretty mild compared to the craziness of the previous day. Although unlike yesterday there was no really nice guy at the Target register giving me $20 off instead of $10, but hey Black Friday good karma only goes so far I suppose.

So to all you fellow shoppers out there, hope you had as fruitful a shopping day(s) as I did. And to those of you who didn't venture out from fear of sheer insanity, your day is coming. After all, I'm sure you're the people who wait until Dec 24 to shop. Now THAT'S insanity.

Bring On The Grub!

2009-11-25T13:38:00.001-08:00

I'm posting this a day early because let's face it from Thursday to about Saturday evening this week, we're all going to be busy and that's as it should be.

Like many, we're about to enter my absolute favorite time of the year. Decorations, parties, family, friends...I can't even begin to express how much I look forward to this season all year long. Let's not forget the shopping, I'm also counting down the minutes to Black Friday, literally, 12am I'm going to be one of the masses storming into Toys R Us to fight over severely reduced prices that most recipients will proceed to play with for only a combined 10 minutes before the next Christmas. But it's all worth it for that look of happy when the paper is ripped off.

And with that I just want to give thanks for all the wonderful things in my life from my incredible other half to my increasingly adorable nephew to you, my readers, who take the time out to read my ramblings and make me feel that I'm not just typing into the ether.

However, after my attempt at the detox diet last week I'm mostly thankful for the feast that will be put before me tomorrow. Now bring on the grub cuz we all know Thanksgiving's also the start of the eating season and that's a time of year I can ALWAYS get behind.

Towel, Consider Yourself Thrown

2009-11-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Oh day 3 I am officially considering you my final day.

Go ahead, call me a quitter and the like. I just can't take anymore of this cabbage only thing. I'm in the middle of a pitch at work, my cold is still lingering and quite frankly today I almost tore someone's head off and it wouldn't have mattered who because I was ready to place it on a stick and use it as a warning to others.

I can see how it would deliver results and the like but at the end of the day the only true way to lose weight of any kind is a balanced diet and excercise, not eating the same soup for 7 days to lose a few pounds and possibly find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order.

The worst part is that tonight I worked at least 8 hours at the office and when they came around with pizza I turned it down despite my extreme hunger. I turned down pizza. Seeing as how I have about 4 days left of working like mad I can't continue depriving myself of what I want and what I want has cheese, meat, sauce, everything.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go devour the first thing I find in my kitchen.

Veggies, Oh How I Hate You

2009-11-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

As day 2 winds to a close I can honestly say that I absolutely detest vegetables. Aside from the jumbo soup, all I could eat today was vegetables. Let me repeat that, breakfast lunch and dinner all I could eat were vegetables. Not exactly the best way to start a day, especially since my body has decided to start making all sorts of odd gas shifting noises.

But oh the potato.

See Day 2 allows me one baked potato with butter. And I have just eaten it and I must say I have never loved starch anywhere near as much as I did tonight. Unlike before I literally savored each and every bite as I chewed it enough times to actually feel full.

As day 3 rears its head I've had to make some more of the soup. Granted I'm cheating a bit by adding more of, oh, every vegetable but cabbage. Yet it now actually tastes good again as opposed to over processed dishwater.

Eh, at least day 3 lets me add fruit into the mix again. Will Friday and its beef allowance ever get here?

Day 1: I'm Pretty Sure Diets Create Homicides

2009-11-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

As day 1 of my cabbage diet winds down I am left with only one thought....OH MY WORD I AM ABSOLUTELY OVERWHELMINGLY HUNGRY!

I've eaten several bowls of that soup thing and inhaled more fruit in one day than Elton John during his drug fueled orgy days (go on, stop and think it over....there you go). Granted I'm used to eating whatever I want until I feel overly full and satisfactorily rotund, but talk about a difficult first day.

See, there were meetings all day today which of course meant that there was breakfast provided. And by breakfast I mean delicious muffins, fluffy bagels and some of what appeared to be the best whipped cream cheese on earth. Now, that's not bad enough right? Oh no, let's follow it up with sandwiches that are at least 6 inches tall, potato salad that has the right ratio of shape to smush and cookies that I swear started off life as giant boulders to drop on the Coyote. I barely made it through the first day.

Although I have to say the hunger is almost preferable to the endless trips to the bathroom. I have never peed so much in my life. I swear that I have officially urinated more times than my grandmother on an average day and her visits to my parents' house alone sees her go at least 4 times per hour.

So I sit here chugging water in the hopes that it'll sate my hunger. I'm fairly certain it won't so maybe I'll just sit here on the couch and sniff the bowl of chocolates. Can't wait for day 2, soup and vegetables, yum. I've never yearned for a baked potato this much.

Cabbage, Cabbage Everywhere and Not a Drop To Eat

2009-11-15T17:18:00.000-08:00

Every now and again we all look down and think "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?! DID I EAT A FAMILY OF ORANGUTANS WHO THEN PROCEEDED TO KEEP PROCREATING IN MY STOMACH?!"

Well I have recently had such an experience. And yes, I understand that weight loss in your 30's doesn't happen merely by waking up and existing like it does through the age of 23. At that age, you can devour a meal the size of the Millenium Falcon and still slide on your size 32 jeans. So given my currently uber-busy work schedule preventing me from going to the gym (despite my continued payment of monthly fees), I've decided to do one of those week-ling cleansing diets.

I know, I know the only real solution to weight loss is physical activity and a good diet, I get it. With that said, I like to look at this diet as a clean start, detox sort of thing. I'll do this cabbage diet for a week and use it to jumpstart my better way of life. True, I'm a bit of a crazy person to even attempt this with Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner and you'd be right. But I do like to challenge myself and the Monday of Thanksgiving week does see my schedule opening up a bit for a gym routine to start up again.

I'll try to blog about this throughout the week, not so much to be all inspirational, but rather because I think it'll be easier to blog than think about eating. Just keep that in mind if my update blogs resemble something along the lines of a Food Network version of "The Shining."

JUSTICE LEAGUE: NOW WITH MORE CHOREOGRAPHY!

2009-11-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

Saying Germans are odd is like saying the peanut butter is sticky, it's just understood to be true. Even so, I couldn't be ready for what I saw on a comic website (comics101.com) yesterday. While in Germany, the writer visited a comic-con. Granted, dressing up to meet artists and scrounge for over-priced toys and yellowing back issues, is left of normal, but I think the Germans have yet again found a way to niche the hell out of even this.

Below are videos taken from something called a "Strawberry Heroes" show where women dress as super heroes & dance around while intermixing songs. For example, the following shows Booster Gold & Aquaman apparently being schooled by Supergirl on bettering themselves. So naturally, the German Girl of Steel busts out into "Popular" from Wicked. To review, superheroes, German, modern Broadway standard. Enjoy.

Now what hero show would be complete without Spider-Man? One that doesn't put him in a sparsely decorated Benny Hill sketch.

After all that fighting and dancing, of course the Justice League would be tired and just ready to beam back up to the satelite right? Wrong, that's the perfect time for a gospel moment. Testify Booster Gold!

Even still, they're not tired, I mean they're German and if Mike Myers taught us anything about Germans while on SNL is that after all is said and done, IT'S TIME TO DANCE!

My only regret is that there aren't more of these clips online or in a continuous narrative. Not that I speak German or anything, but who can resist the evolution of a dance evolution? Here's hoping Bono & The Edge saw this, after all who wouldn't want to see Spidey running around the theatre chasing Mary Jane in lingerie? Oh, a boy can dream can't he?

For The Love of Amanda

2009-11-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

To know me is to know of my love of Melrose Place. The sexy, the over-the-top, the explosions. Most of all however, whatI love is the Amanda. So you can imagine how excited I am with her return (Tuesday, November 17 check your local listings!) to the complex she oversaw with her mini-skirted iron fist.

Let me just make this clear, in some weird way the character of Amanda Woodward is the reason I now work in advertising. That alone should probably make me hunt down Heather Locklear & exec producer Darren Starr for revenge, but it's true. She made the industry seem really enticing & let's face it, my only other advertising role models were a man whose witch wife did everything for him & Angela Bower with her big hair and shoulder pads (love you Judith Light!). So of course Amanda had that right blend of humor & blood lust that I would gravitate towars. Although it wasn't easy, let's review shall we?

She bought a building out of love & spite. She clawed her way up the ranks of apparently the only agency in LA based on the amount of new pitches they'd handle on a weekly basis. Not only did she consistently berate (Allison totally deserved it for existing) & sleep with her colleagues without once incurring the wrath of HR, but when the company president died, she just moved one step to the left to assume her rightful place at the top. Oh yeah & did I mention surviving cancer, destruction of her investment (does All State cover homicidal redheads?), & more black mailing than practically anyone on an 80's prime time soap. All that & she always managed to look good with an active sex life. Who wouldn't idolize her?

As November 17 draws near I think I'll take a new approach in my career and ask myself "What Would Amanda Do?" Oh sure, it might mean running from the mob or being put on trial, but 20 years later everyone will still remember me right? Now if you'll excuse me I have to figure out which of my co-workers to insult into alcoholism.

Rhianna, Revealing Victim or Calculated Saleswoman?

2009-11-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

So last night was the Rhianna interview with Diane Sawyer in which she divulged all her innermost feelings about her beating and how it made her feel. Now I didn't watch the interview, honestly I forgot it was even on, but I have read up on her "revealing" interviews and have only one thing to say.

Rhianna is one of the most calculated people on the planet and frankly I have now asserted why I don't like her.

In no way am I condoning domestic violence. I fully understand that it's not something of which to make light and that there are some cases where the victim doesn't get the opportunity to come back, get another horrific haircut and still be honored as a Cosmo woman of the year. However, for this pop star to say she realizes how she is an influence and can do good to bring attention to this while she has 2 new singles to promote and an album less than a month away, is insulting to anyone who's ever been in a similar situation.

Celebrities using their personal struggles as fodder for the front page is nothing new, but what makes me sick is how we all fall over backward trying to place her on a pedestal for doing this. She had almost a year to go out and do public service announcements, visit shelters, set up charitable events and yet what did she do? Record an album. I know that art can be healing, but if you think that Rhianna is actually an artist and not a Caribbean Barbie doll that everyone is obsessed with for whatever reason, you're clearly deluded.

Before my feelings toward this woman where that she had a few catchy songs that she couldn't really sing because she had no voice or apparent dance moves, but ok who am I to begrudge anyone success? But to use your own vicious experience as a press release in which to drop the name of your upcoming projects? Sorry, even a blank android being propped up for profit can recognize that's just plain wrong. Disturbia indeed.

Halloween, a Hat and a Bathroom

2009-11-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

As you know this past Saturday was Halloween and I had a rather odd experience while at my friend Melissa's house for her Halloween party. Upon arriving I noticed an odd witch hat perched atop a skull on the buffet table. I say odd cuz most witches aren't into day-glo motifs.

I didn't think much of it until I also saw it perched atop the toilet in the guest bathroom. Now usually seeing a hat on a toilet isn't the worst thing I've seen going on in a bathroom in my 30 years on this earth. Having to pee around said hat wasn't anywhere near as simple as you'd think, I mean it's felt for frak's sake, can't just be wiped off with a moist towelette.

Don't know why, maybe I'd drank too much or maybe it was the calling of the neo-fluroescent green but I decided to pick the hat up and see what would happen when placed atop the guests at the party! Suddenly the atheletes look dazed and only Sookie Stackhouse appeared unfazed. Although the way everyone keeps saying she's not quite human, well it's not exactly a surprise.

Kitties were affected all around! Although they appeared to like it, which kinda fits in with their whole not needing people motif. That and they most likely were happy to bat around the soft material between their paws.

Not all was so benign though. Neither the gladiator nor the fairy took well to the hat, although one was having stomach problems and the other was hormonal. Up to you to guess which is which!

Then the hat made its way to our hostess' head. Not sure how she went from serving cupcakes to looking like next year's Halloween Horror Nights theme, but I definitely wound up side-stepping the ginormous knife. Let's just say that aside from my usual aversion to humongoid pointy things, "Paranormal Activity" hasn't exactly helped assuage those feelings.

And then I popped it on my own noggin. And oddly enough after all the gamut of weird that it caused on everyone else, it just seemed to fit and make me feel like striking a Peter Pan pose. And I did. So all in all a fun Halloween, although maybe next year we'll steer clear of any hats the randomly show up in the bathroom.

Halloween + Sony = Phenomenal Time

2009-10-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

Hey all, Happy Halloween. Just wanted to drop by to post a short (you're probably thinking I'm not capable of that given my lengthy blog rants) recap of the great time I had last night.

This year Sony Entertainment decided that their presentation of the programming for next year would be done with a Halloween party. Granted, the actual presentations consisted of videos on a screen and nothing more. The best part of the whole thing however is that Sony was yet again having a party!! Now for those of you who haven't had the pleasure can I just say that most of the hands down best times I've had at events have been Sony ones.

These guys know how to put together a presentation. From the centerpieces with creepy apothecary bottles to the dancers that performed Thriller. And let me not forget that hired actors that portrayed the Universal Monsters, Wolfman was the creepiest, and he probably had nards (if you don't get that reference please go rent Monster Squad post haste!).Oh and the food...mini everything is just a good way to go, granted this is from a guy who has an odd appreciation for midgets, but I don't think that really matters in the big overall.

As I gear up for another party tonight (what can I say, we're a popular couple) I just want to give a huge shout out thanks to everyone who made the Sony party happen. Edith, Joe, Irving and the countless others at Sony who make sure that not only everything comes out just right but that we all enjoy ourselves. Here's to next year topping this one!

The Revelation of Geek Christmas

2009-10-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was what could probably be considered officially Geek Christmas here in Sough Florida as the largest local comic shop, Tate's Comics, had it's annual mega sale. When I got there I expected to see a large crowd but I really didn't expect to see as many people as I did, the tent was completely packed with people looking through boxes and back issues in search of the perfect way to spend money on those uberly geeky things we love from toys to comics to statues.

Most surprisingly though was that when you think of the crowd such a sale attracts your mind automatically goes to this image:

And given the odors emanating from some of the guys there, the above pic really isn't that far from being on the nose. Listen guys, we live in South Florida so while shorts and a cap are more than acceptable for an outdoor sale, can I suggest adding deodorant to that list? At the very lease just hang a pine tree around your neck for the sake of those around you. It's bad enough you're wearing clothes that are ill-fitting as you hunch over due to your overly weighted backpack, must we add foul stench to that list of reasons why you will most likely never date anyone who is sighted?

Surprisingly though, the most interesting part of the sale was just how many girls were in attendance. Now in recent months I've read many a report on several sites talking about how the average person at comic shops is now just as likely to be female as male. It's something I myself experienced at Midtown Comics in NY as I overhead 2 girls talk about how they preferred one artist's style over another when drawing a particular character. Of course these 2 girls proceeded to lose their credibility upon declaring that The Clash's "Friday I'm In Love" was "that song from Rock Band." They're lucky I didn't dangle them from their toes in Times Square, but I digress.

The focus of these fangirls does seem to be the manga stuff, as I heard one girl recommend just about every manga title to her friend as the best thing she's read. Note to girl, they all can't be the best, eventually one of them has to be disappointing by comparison. It's the law of averages, nothing else. Either way, I for one applaud the emergence of girls into the often overwhelming world of the under-sexed pocket protector.

As I mentioned in my previous post on Disney's acquisition of Marvel, the industry is in a state where they need to expand their audience in any way possible. And with more and more female-centric titles popping up at the big 2 publishers, they're obviously taking notice.

Now if only more of the fanboys would take notice. After all with more girls heading into comic shops your chances of a date increase exponentially guys. Just, not if you continue to ignore the lure of the deodorant siren.

How Many Mushrooms Would Mario Eat For This To Happen?

2009-10-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

Walking through Wal-Mart yesterday I came across the perfect costume for me & my other half. With 3 Halloween parties this year, we needed costumes & had no ideas. Should we go individual or do the couple thing? Then I saw it hanging in seasonal next to a scary clown & a slutty cat.

Mario & Luigi!

Just couple enough without being sickeningly sweet. Plus it's got just enough geek cred to be unique but not too much that people will go "who?" when you tell them who you are. So with joy & eagerness I bought the costumes. Waiting for my better half to get home I couldn't wait to try on our ideal Halloween costumes that would be creative & yet so obvious all at once.

Then we tried them on.

Listen, I bought the XL size costumes & not the XXL because I thought XL, that's like large but bigger. Clearly, these costumes were either made for the Japanese or the measurements are in pixels based on height from the games. Never in my life have I worn such tight stretchy material. At first one could say, "well you're just fat," but see that's only a part of the problem. The legs on these things were now essentially pedal pushers held together by barely clasping velcro. And then the worst part, the crotch.

Look, I'm not what you'd call ashamed of my crotch, on occassion I've been known to wear overly snug jeans on purpose. But these things give new definition to moose knuckles. If we only had to go to parties thrown by friends it wouldn't be so bad, some of these people have seen me in my undies when we travel. However, I will NOT be that inappropriate person who shows up to a work function only to become the topic of conversation for what endlessly seems like forever. Again, not minding being the topic of conversation, just don't want it to be due to the fact that my testicles look like they might smother a small rodent.

Hopefully the XXL will fit less snugly. And if not then I guess it's on to another possibile costume. Oh and for future reference Nintendo just cuz we want to dress like your characters doesn't mean you should make them the same size as on-screen. Although if you are going to make things like your games, sign me up for that star thing....how fun would it be to just knock people on their ass all day? Oh to dream.

Australian Pop Rocket Lands in NYC...Sequins Found Near Surrounding Areas

2009-10-13T19:22:00.001-07:00

To say I love the effervescent Kylie Minogue is an understatement. I have just about all her albums & tours on DVD. No, not only her tours I also have her video collection, which by the way Darien I want back cuz I'm going through SERIOUS withdrawals. Seriously kids, if you're ever in a funk just hop onto youtube and look for early Kylie videos, they're so horrible & cheesy that you can't help but be in a better mood by the end of it all. And she really needs to stop with the whole Showgirl theme for her concerts, cuz at this point it just seems like she oddly enjoys wearing feathers.

But I digress.

Aside from finding my 3 hellacious contest guest judges, this past weekend saw me finally being able to cross Ms. Minogue off my list of artists I love that I'll most likely never see live. At this point though the list is pretty much comprised of Robbie Williams and Michael Jackson and guess which one won't be crossed off anytime soon? That's right Robbie cuz I expect to see Michael in concert when they put his last one on DVD whereas Mr. Williams can't bother to get his stuff on a North American compatible format.

Back to my once in a lifetime (at this point anyway) experience. Truly the concert gods smiled upon me & my friends on Sunday as we got there about 15 minutes before the doors opened, were at basically the back of the line that wrapped around the block & STILL managed to get in before a majority of people who got there earlier and were essentially in front of us. Look, I'm not saying I'm proud of it or that I don't feel bad for people who got there at like 10am & then had to stand at the back. With that said I'm just chalking it all up to the karma of being a nice guy who helped a woman pick up her avocados at Bryant Park on Saturday while others gawked. See, fruit can bring good things other than digestion.

But on with the show!

That's not her actual opening but doesn't the head of the guy in front of me look like it could have opened up and shot her out with smoke? This is just the first decent pic I took of the diminutive diva. For the next 2 hours she gave us a cross section of all her albums, which would have been ok with me if she'd focused a little less of 'X,' but I get it's the "new-ish" one & all. This woman managed to cram her huge arena sized shows into the space of ballroom. Let me stress that again. She took a production that would fill Wembley Stadium & managed to fit it into a ballroom. Granted, it wasn't an airport Hilton ballroom but still that's some skill at work.

Never let it be said she doesn't know how to appeal to her audience & the boys were out in droves. It was like wall to wall lisp in there, but you know, not in a bad way, although if the place had been bombed there'd be at least 80% less fashion designers and hairstylists today. To that end of course there was outfit after outfit for her & well, less & less material for her male dancers. Again, the woman knows how to play to her audience. And did I mention that she did it all in heels? Not exactly Ginger Rogers style but I was just standing in the audience & my feet were about ready to cecede from the union that is my body. Although I'm pretty sure that's also cuz they're really opposed to freeing my ankles from slavery.

And while all that performing alone would be enough to make anyone realize this woman was clearly giving her US fans everything they'd been expecting, she took it a step further. One of my biggest pet peeves is going to a show where the performer essentially says "Hello (city I'm playing)" and "Good Night (city I'm playing)," with nary a deviation from the script. To say this woman reveled in audience interaction is like saying that Charles Manson is just a bit off. She spent the entire show talking to the audience, cracking jokes, I can't be entirely sure but I even think at one point she offered to make us vegamite sandwiches. Again, her natural adorableness didn't come off as phony or rehearsed, but like a genuine good time being had between her & a few 100 of her closest friends.

Hmmm, maybe that's why she tends to favor the theme of Showgirl. Although unlike Liz Berkely's Nomi, this is one showgirl who I can guarantee doesn't paint her nipples, especially not 2 different colors.

And The Winner Is....

2009-10-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

So I know it's been just about over a week or so since I announced the deadline for my caption contest and I've been getting lots of inquiries as to who is the winner. First off I want to apologize to those who tried posting but for whatever reason couldn't post. However, the truth is that after viewing all the entries it was very difficult to declare a winner. There was creativity and humor all over the place and I want to thank everyone. But alas I have to declare someone the winner right?

Some of you know that I'm currently in NYC for the Kylie Minogue concert on Sunday. But what you don't know is that I'm also here because choosing a winner was so hard that I needed to enlist the help of some special judges who just so happen to be in NY for the concert as well. Without further ado I present the judges for our first ever TheIsh79 blog contest.

You know him from Project Runway, top American designer Michael Kors.

MK: Hi guys.

Currently unemployed former American Idol judge, Paula Abdul.

PA: Hi, I just want to say that all your captions have beautiful souls that could light up a room and generate the power for terminally ill wings at hospitals.

And extra special judge, leader of that evil organization bent on world domination, Cobra Commander.

CC: Helloooooo guyssssssssssssss.......

Thank you 3 for joining me on my blog to get this contest judged. So let's begin. Now there were several of your entries that just made me laugh out loud and some of you even appealed to my ego, which totally works. But in the end we had to whittle it down to 3 finalists. Based on the level of creativity and random pop culture type references, they are Julisa, Omar & Yvette and Inneabelle. So judges, let's start in the order they posted, first with Julisa.

MK: Her comment was just so trashy. I mean the costumes she referenced were cheap, the material non-existent. It's like a drag queen or something.

Umm, Michael, there are drag queens in the video and you haven't even mentioned the quote. Paula?

PA: Videos on youtube are great for comments, because they have a section for comments so we should leave comments because they let people know how we feel.

Oooook....Cobra Commander?

CC: Where issssssss the blue in the comment? It's just not evil enough. Perhaps that's because Julisa is plotting against me! RETREAT!!!!!

Well, in my opinion she totally gets points for referencing an obscure movie down to the exact minute where the similarity shows. Frankly, for that alone she has more than earned her place in the Top 3. Now on to Omar & Yvette's comment.

MK: Was this a team challenge? It's almost like they can't work without each other. Dependency on pre-made things is never going to get you far in this industry.

You are aware they're not being judged on designs right?

MK: Huh, what?

Paula?

PA: The power of a team is better than that of being alone. Nobody should ever be alone. It's like Ricky Martin sang with Christina Aguilera. And now, she knows how to work with people with all her duos and co-writing with Linda Perry. I mean, really what is going on?

Clearly, nothing in your head. Although every fiber in my being says I'll regret it, Cobra Commander your take?

CC: It'sssssss that blassssssted GI Joe, alwaysssssss ruining my plansssss. Baronessssssss! Desssssstro!!!!

I'm beginning to think I could have saved on some airfare. Regarding the entry, you need to go see the pic she posted. Aside from finding the Pair of Nuts comedy duo to be hilarious the pic is just dead-on. Unfortunately, as my sister and brother-in-law, they're ineligible for the prize. That leaves me with only one entry left and God help me I'm going to ask for more insight from the judges.

MK: Would an alien really mate with Gollum? I mean it's always the same thing, creatures with creatures, mix it up honey. Take us somewhere else than Middle Earth or St. Tropez for a change.

....sigh, Paula.

PA: The absolute best thing to put on bread is jam but only straberry jam. It's like if Michael Jackson's song JAM was a jam, I don't think it'd be strawberry. It seems more like a spring blend of honey and mint. Delicious, just delicious.

Just, just go for it.

CC: Perhapssssss I'll recruit thissssss Gollum for our evil forcesssss....yesss, yessss...COBRAAAAA!!!!!

For the love of...ok, the hell with you crazies. Seriously, 2 of you are like walking catch phrases and I'm not entirely sure the other one isn't a cardboard cut-out with a voicebox. By sheer length and managing to mix Alf, Lord of the Rings and the Estefans I just have to award the prize of my first ever blog contest to Inneabelle. The creativity and out of left field story that she submitted is just the pinnacle of the bizarre ass-ness of the minds of those reading my blogs. As out there as I may post things, I can always count on you guys to provide commentary that matches it word for word.

Thank you for all your comments, views, and signing up as followers. I write because I feel the need but to know it's being read just makes it all better. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to make sure 3 judges accidentally fall on the 3rd rail.

Let's See If This Brings Me More Followers....

2009-09-22T19:03:00.001-07:00

UPDATED!!! Hey guys, just wanted to update the blog to say that the last day to submit your comments/entries will be this Friday October 2. So far I've had some great entries and look forward to seeing even more! The winner gets $15 I-tunes gift card so be witty and be original!!!

Ok so no secret that most people who blog are pretty much just looking for attention. It's a creative outlet and what not but it's also a way for people to talk about me in a way that doesn't seem too forced and that they can attribute to just being observations on my wit.

To that end I've decided to hold a contest to see if I can get more people to actually sign up and list themselves as blog followers as well as encourage the leaving of comments. The contest is very simple and while I don't have the prize determined YET, I'll try to make it something fun and well, Ish-like. :-)

To enter you need to leave a comment in my comments section that tells me what you think is happening in the picture below. It can be an explanation, a caption, just make it funny! Most likely I'll just keep this going for about a week or 2 before deciding on the winner, depending of course on the results of how many people even bother to "enter."

So without further ado, I want you to tell me and my readers exactly what is going on in this photo:

The 2009 VMAs.....Now With More Ish!

2009-09-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

Honestly I wasn't going to blog about the VMAs, it's true. Originally this was going to be about hanging out with 2 very different sets of friends and how much I enjoy their company even though I don't see them as often as I would like. It was going to be a real fun little piece about how you can always just pick up where you left off with certain people.

And then I played the VMA's that I DVR-ed in favor of watching True Blood.

Let's just get this out of the way, Kanye's a douche. It's nothing new people, at this point he should just change his middle name to Masengil. What he did do, however, was actually get me to like Taylor Swift! Seriously, whenever I'd see her jr-Renee Zelweiger lemon face I just got the urge to throw hamsters at her or something. And that "Belong To Me" song? Please, it might as well be called "Anthem For The Ugly, Un-popular Girl At Home Singing Into Her Brush While She Cries Looking At The Mirror." Watching her up there so lost and shocked at the commandeering of the stage by Mr. Summer's Eve though, made me really like her more. And then she proceeded to give one of the best performance of the night. I can even tolerate that song now! Fine, it may have something to do with the fact that I secretly always wanted to do a music video taking place solely on a moving subway car, but still.

It's not to say the rest of the night didn't have its moments. Isn't it funny that Madonna and Pink both provided the most sedate appearances of the night? Although shout out to Pink for her trapeze bit with the Duela Dent inspired outfit (http://temple.fpsbanana.com/ico/sprays/duela_dent.png, http://www.popcrunch.com/pink-mtv-vmas-2009-performance-video-sober-live-on-a-trapeze/music-mtv-8/), but why did I think her boobs were bigger than they appeared? Also, the pairing of Shakira and Taylor Lautner from Twilight as presenters was inspired, even though I didn't get the connection until they were almost done. Think about it....it's actually quite clever for MTv. And who knew that Beyonce would treat us all to an urban version of a Busby Berkley musical? Probably one of the few times her stalker-ish obsession with sequins didn't make me want to go to her house and take away her Bedazzler.

But of course, what would a VMA be without my take on the things I quite frankly could do without. Russel Brand, I'm sure you're a nice enough guy but you're not funny. No really, see I like all things British and get the dry wit thing, but your schtick is just not funny...kinda like Andy Samberg and Jimmy Fallon. Guys, the average MTv viewer barely remembers Lil' Bow Wow and you're referencing MotownPhilly? Way to be on the cusp of the humor, boys.

Then there's Lady Gaga. I get it, you have a great voice but let's be realistic so do many other aspiring singers. So you figured you'd be a little, let's call it avant garde, and guess what? It worked, you got signed. Now can you please stop? Seriously, enough already, everytime I see you I feel like I'm watching the mutated love child of Christina Aguilera and Beaker from the Muppets. We get it, you're out there. However, with each passing day you get closer to being left out there because frankly at this point the only thing left to do is light yourself on fire. And should it come to that, not that I wish you harm but I would watch, could you also do the world a favor and take your ardent fan-bitch Perez Hilton with you? I couldn't think of a single other person more deserving of being lit ablaze than that flamer.

On the subject of queens, I have to say that one of my favorite bands of all time is Queen. One of the my least favorite things of all time is Katy Perry covering Queen and covering Queen as if she was bored out of her mind instead of singing a song that'll be around longer than her career. And she was singing with Joe Perry from Aerosmith! At least she didn't win anything, although did anyone else notice during Beyonce's performance that she was apparently accompanied by a reincarnated Liberace? Who knew that aside from Kissing a Girl she could also raise the dead?

Which reminds me, where was Kurt Loder last night? Has he finally reached the point where his reanimated corpse doesn't photograph? It's just not a VMA without him interviewing Madonna as she tries to get him to show the human emotion he gave up so long ago in exchange for immortality. Ahh the good old days.

Every year I find myself saying "who is that?" more and more as I watch this awards show. I also say each year that I really don't care to watch the VMAs before plopping myself down to inhale the trashiness of it all. Truthfully I'll probably watch them well into senility and by then I'm sure the only face I'll still recognize will be Kurt Loder. Or whatever part of his original face is actually left by that point.

Playing Through the Labor

2009-09-07T13:01:00.000-07:00

Labor Day is upon us once again. That day where we as a country collectively say "do it your damn self" and proceed to either BBQ or veg out in front of all day TV marathons. It's also the weekend where many such as myself decide to go out and have some fun since we don't have to be at work until Tuesday and by then, well, who cares since it's a 4 day week.

Now usually my tales of bloggy goodness consist of me weaving a tale of the events in a way that would make Aesop stand up and say "dude, seriously are you even trying for a moral with this?" This time, due to a combination of lacking desire to think and being tired of following up my activities with a leisurley jaunt to the gym, I've decided to just bullet-point things. Don't worry, the wit is still there...can't change the formula too much now can I?

- Bartenders: Everyone knows that bartender make their money on tips and that's usually why they're so pleasant and flirtatious and look like they never leave the gym. Why then was I met with such horrendous service at Buck 15 regarding my tab and then desire to close it? What pains me is that I really do love this place but the 5 year old who couldn't find my card and then proceeded to tell me I must have set up my tab with the other guy who looked nothing like him, yeah he either needs to go or needs to be taught a lesson in how to treat people if he wants to make money. On the polar opposite of this was the bartender at VooDoo Lounge last night who now only offered me a sympathetic look upon advising me that water was $7, but did so with a smile on his face that said "sorry about that, but I'm still cute, right?" He was the eptiome of what a bartender should be, someone ready to take your money but in a way that makes you feel ok with doing so. Hooker would probably have less stigma if they followed this buisness plan...and if they started accepting tabs I guess.

- Daisy Deadpetals: If you haven't had the opportunity to see this performer do her/his thing you should check out youtube, go on I'll wait....man, they're taking forever, must be watching the Whitney one, that one's funny....back? Great, so as I was saying, not only hilarious but able to spin some great music too. The more I listen to what she/he says the more I realize there's a brain under all that synthetic hair. It's been said that comedy isn't easy and that to do it well you have to be smart. I agree, plus how much harder is it when you have to do all that and tuck?

- Drag Look Alike: On the subject of drag queens I HAVE to mention this one I saw not only on Thursday but Sunday night. Ok, could one of you who follows me here that knows Veronica Ortega please tell her there's a man out there running around looking EXACTLY like her. The lips, the nose, the eyes, the hair, everything. And for the record, this Vero look-alike smacked me across the face not once but twice with her weave. Having never been hit with fake hair before I have to say it hurt. I dunno, maybe the real Vero can lend the drag Vero some of her hair to make a wig? Future victims of hair whippings will be grateful.

- Celebrity Sightings: Thursday night saw me peeking at an actual NKOTB member as Jonathan Knight hung out in the corner of the club, apparently with one of Britney's tour dancers. Then Sunday gave me a double whammy of a celebrity sighting, first of local news reader Craig Stevens and then Grammy winner Deborah Cox. At the risk of sounding catty or trite, can I just say that in the future when introducing a singer perhaps Mr. Stevens should stay away from saying how "it always seems like her lyrics are written about my latest break-up with a boyfriend?" Gosh Craig and then did you write about it in your journal before heading down to the mall and hanging with your BFFs? As for Ms. Cox she was in fine form, belting out all her hits, extending notes, pretty much working the stage for all it's worth. But I will say this, her performance last night kind of proved to me that Whitney Houston isn't the only black diva to sweat a small puddle under her when performing. Same script, different cast indeed.

So there you have it, the highlights of my weekend. Sure there were plenty of other odd little characters bouncing about (I'm talking about you adrogyny crew at Buck, as well as you old man with no shirt whose nipples looked more like knee guards they were so low), but why focus on them? After all, this is supposed to be my day off.

Revisiting My Childhood..On Demand!

2009-09-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

Looking back on the greatest achivements of this new millenium I truly hope that alongside the person who cures cancer is the person who provided cable with On Demand. Whoever that was, let's just say I am very much hearting him right now as I sit here watching one of the greatest cartoon properties ever, Thundercats.

Now as far as 80's cartoons go no question He-Man's the undisputed king of the nostalgia kingdom. The transformation chant, the playsets, the end of episode morals, it had it all. However, if He-Man was the gold then Thundercats were the silver. Based around a band of humanoid cats who crashlanded on a planet as their race's last survivors they battled the evil Mum-Ra for possesion of the mystical Sword of Omens. And if you think my plot summation is too simplistic, clearly you never saw an episode.

Sitting here watching I marvel at so much of it. While the character designs were simplistic, there was a richness to detail in other areas. True, it was animated in Asia allowing the backgrounds an attention to detail that your average Saturday morning fare today is sorely missing, even amongst those with an Anime feel. You watch Thundercats and almost can't help but wait for some overly exageratted transformation sequence.

Then there are overall story elements they'd never get away with today. In the first episode alone their home planet blows up, ships in their armada get destroyed with presumably casualties and their mentor dies of old age. Oh and did I mention that the protagonists spend a good 1/3 of the episode naked? But it's weird cuz some of them have belts and there are lines seperating their legs from their torsos like they're wearing costumes but they're not. I guess they had to draw the line somewhere and that line apparently gets drawn at the depiction of animated feline genitals. Who knew?

Character wise the heroes were pretty simplistic, although watching it now I have to say Lion-O was a total dick for the first few episodes. Crash landing on Third Earth (some sort of descended version of our earth, but this was back before Al Gore so we don't know what happened to the first 2 although I'm sure it had more to with weird ass civilaztions constantly crashing here than global warming) in suspended animation Lion-O was a child before landing, but woke up an adult. From the second he wakes up, he starts barking orders at everyone like he hasn't just been asleep for 10 galacti-years (their term not mine, I swear). Not only that but he then proceeds to use the Sword of Omens which 3 seconds before he didn't even recognize and declares himself Lord Lion-O. The guy just realized he has pubes, granted no small feat considering they're presumably covered in fur, and now he's anointed himself king? The hell?! And the less said about him waking up fully muscular after doing nothing more strenuous than breathe for umpteen years the better.

Yet, here I sit typing while watching Mum-Ra turn to locusts to invade the village of the Berbils and all I can do is smile. In just 3 episodes the heroes have alternately threatened the villains with rattling their bones and breaking their necks. They even used the word reconnosaince in verb tense! I didn't even know that word HAD a verb tense!

I could go on and on as I just keep finding more and more to love again about this show. All I hope though is that this isn't some type of weird vision of the future cartoon because somehow I just know that if it is that means I probably wind up being Mum-Ra. Hmmm....although he was pretty ripped for a mummy.

Both Walt Disney & Capt America Were Frozen. Coincidence? I Think Not!

2009-08-31T18:14:00.001-07:00

For a split second today I contemplated not posting. After all, coming up with witty things to say each day isnt' easy. However, something happened today that moved me to post because I know everyone will eventually ask my opinion, so here is my official stance on the Walt Disney Co acquiring Marvel Comics.

I think it's absolutely fantastic.

Trolling the message boards after the announcement today I was reminded there's a reason most comic book geeks are considered basement-dwelling virgins. It's because they resist change in a way that makes them seem as if though they have no true grasp on reality. The truth is if you think Disney's acquisition is going to result in the Avengers lining up for a first name roll call, you're quite frankly a moron.

Maybe it's a result of my marketing background but what I see is quite honestly one of the best opportunities for Marvel in a long time. The sad truth is with each passing year comic book readership dwindles as the average readership age continues skewing older and older with kids turning more and more to electronic devices. The average comic's price point doesn't help either with $3.99 being the norm and not the special edition exception. Close inspection suggests this is no longer a hobby aimed at bringing in new younger readers. And I'm one of those who argues comics can be made for all ages, but the truth is that to survive a business needs constant new consumers. Disney can help make that happen.

This is a company that has managed to infiltrate the farthest regions opening up countless distribution opportunities. There now exist possibilites for Marvel's characters to be available in areas where money just didn't allow before and I'm not just talking about countries. Let's face it Disney is more often accepted in places than the X-Men are, talk about being feared and hated, right? Oh yeah and a few years from now when other studios are no longer interested in licensing super-heroes, Disney will be able to keep our favorite heroes on the screen, whether silver or small. Creatively Marvel's also in a better position to foster it's lower selling titles that are more creative experiment than blockbuster seller.

Don't think I've forgotten about the House of Mouse. They stand to gain as much as the House of Ideas if not more in this venture. Thanks to smart mareketing on Marvel's end B.M. (Before Mickey), the share holders now collect the profit off the ventures and expenses of others. Fox and Sony push the movies, Disney gets a cut. Mattel stocks the shelves, Disney stocks their coffers. Not to mention the sheer beauty of making money off souveniers selling at their theme park competition.

All in all I see both companies reaping benefits of this union. Lest people forget that DC Comics is part of Warner Bros. and from cartoons to toys to movies it's a 30+ year strong marriage that's given both parties much to love in their joint account.

So I say welcome to the Marvel Universe Mickey, Donald, Minnie and the rest. Just one piece of advise, watch out for Norman Osborne ok? I'm pretty sure not even Disney magic could make that man pleasant.

Do You Have Change For a Dollar and Fifteen Cents?

2009-08-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

Lately I haven't been much for going out. I could say times are tough or I'm just over going out, but the truth is I'm just plain lazy. I do love going out, but getting dressed, driving, paying for parking, fighting my way to a drink...ugh, it's enough to make me want to just blast the i-pod in my living room while creatively making drinks from the remnants of bottles from parties past.

With that said, I'd been itching to go dancing more than a tap dancer with restless leg syndrome (seriously, when did this even become such a big deal that to garner a name and a pill to boot!). So after getting gussied up, yes gussied, sometimes Wild West slang just works, we ventured to the land Bravo made me want to set ablaze, South Beach. Once there we made our way to quite possibly the coolest bar/lounge not only on Lincold Rd but all of South Beach. Buck 15.

Describing Buck 15 is to know it. Nestled atop Miss Yip's chinese restaurant this place can possibly accommodate 12 people comfortably. This of course translates into finding upwards of 300 people crammed together on an average night. Then there's the fact they've either no real discernible air conditioning or just can't be bothered to pay the electric bills because it is HOT in there. And not "oh it's a little warm in here sir I may just get the vapors" kind of hot. No, no, I'm talking "Holy Hell by way of a lava pit I think my blood may just be congealing as we speak where it not for the fact that our words turn to vapor as they hit the air."

And yet I completely love this place.

Aside from being a cardio class with liquor, which I understand is the actual description of most Bally's aerobics classes, the music in this place is phenomenal! Last night alone the mix ran the gamut from Blur, James Brown, Michael Jackson, Gwen Stefani and The Cure. A truly ecclectic blend that brought out just as ecclectic a clientele.

South Beach isn't exactly known for complacency or uniformity, but when I find myself literally laughing myself into a fit, it's definitely the result of seeing a man just clearing 3'3" staring up a man easily 3 feet taller. And please note this was a shockingly short man, none of that weirdly proportioned midget stuff here, no sir. Then there was the Eastern European sounding woman who bumped into me for what I still think was the sole purpose of advising me that the next song was by Lisa Stansfield. Now I enjoy the spit-curled singer as much as the next guy but well, no it wasn't the next song was Kelis' "Milkshake." Damn her and her iron curtain tongue setting my expectations up only to be dashed!

While the night ended prematurely at about 3-ish, maybe it was the right time. After all there's such a thing as too much of a good thing. Well, at least until the next time I get the hankering to sweat while dancing, which is always welcome...unless Richard Simmons is there.

That'd be weirder than an Eastern block, Lisa Stansfield loving non-midget.

Picking Up Where MySpace Left Off...

2009-08-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

So the other day I was sitting at work as I'm wont to do for what feels like approximately 30 hours a day or so at times when I started mentioning to my delightful co-worker how I was feeling the jones to start writing again. She then suggested I start a blog, or rather continue one since I used to write pretty often on MySpace.

Which brings us to the here and now of it all. Much like, well at this point, everyone in the universe I've decided to cop a squat on my own lil' blog area. It's not going to change any minds, start any trends or create any degree of an uproar, but it just felt like time for me to put my unique perspective down on digi-paper. Particularly since Facebook is just all kinds of user un-friendly when it comes to things like posting blogs. Seriously, I'm still not 100% sure why we all decided to jump the MySpace ship so quickly in favor of the Facebook rocket. It's just too uniform really, I mean blue and white are nice colors and all but what if I wanna put a background of Sandy Duncan dressed as a milkmaid skiing down the Alps with Gorbachev? Depriving anyone's followers of that is just plain wrong bordering on sadistic if you think about it.

And as if some bizarre self-propelled carousel, that brings us back to this blog. No promises as to this being an actually entertaining blog, not that I'm un-entertaining there's pretty much a small island of people who'd attest to the opposite. Sometimes I'll be entertaining, other times funny, hell I may even be insightful, but I don't recommend holding your breath on that one since aside from having a cool name that could easily stand shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Confucious and Plato, I'm way more apt to just make an observation about how all the female leads in Jesscia Simpson's "Private Affair" video end in the letter 'A' than I am to make some sort of world shattering pronouncement. Unless...that whole 'A' thing is part of a larger plan....hmmm

Basically, I'm saying thanks for reading this and I promise to make this cyber verbal road trip as fun as possible.

But I totally control the music selection, ok?